dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
