You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
