we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
