Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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