I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
