Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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