oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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