Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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