There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
