He uses pillows to masturbate.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
