I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
