I hate your face
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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