I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
