Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We are two peas in an std pod
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
