I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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