Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
