he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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