He is an equal opportunity slut.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
