C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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