I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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