It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you traded sex for a burrito?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
