I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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