the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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