The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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