I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
