So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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