Please, let me fuck your mom
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
