So drunk its hurt
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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