Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
