i just wanna soil my oats bro
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
