You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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