You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
where does the pee come out of this thing
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
