dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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