i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
