I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so let's talk penis.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
