i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
