Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
