I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
