It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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