Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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