Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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