What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
