I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
