Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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