Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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