you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i came on her dog
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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