Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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