I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
