I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
