My friends, they love my intelligence
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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