No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
