just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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