It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
