This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
