you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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