so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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