you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
