She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
