last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
