During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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