question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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