If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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