I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
