chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
