if i can run in heels then i can drive
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
