that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
