I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
