have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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