we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
