We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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