k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Randomize
