this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
