there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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