Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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