these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
