you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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