I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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