i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
