I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
