I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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