doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
