I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
