i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
