Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
