So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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