PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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